Tuesday, January 15

Okay, it's writing in Hindi and I can't make it stop! Well, Christmas has come and gone. I have a love/hate relationship with Christmas. I LOVE the excitement in the air, looking at all the lights, teaching my children about the true meaning of the season. I HATE all the long lines at stores, traffic, greediness of my children caused by being overrun by commercials about every toy imaginable. But one year down and now life can get back to normal.

So my birthday is soon, January 22....I'll be 29. My very last year in my twenties. I hear life starts at 30 so we'll see! ;) Life has been just crazy these days. I've been trying to work and get ahead and the more I try, the more behind I am. That's how it is these days I guess. It's stressful. Now for me to just be honest....I have been in a struggle the past oh, lets see...years. Spiritually I'm in a desert and I want out. I am living my life day to day in what seems like a cloud and just getting by. So we have been going to Church lately and ever since then life is getting hectic again. I'm getting frustrated with my husband more it seems and he's getting more frustrated at me. I'm paying tithe and I'm having money problems. What in the world? I feel like I'm being attacked on all sides and I need a bit of relief! I'm trying to be OBEDIENT to what I should do. It's hard to have faith though and I'm really trying. With the tithe I prayed "Lord, if I'm not giving this with the right attitude, please change it. I want to be obedient and do what you say but I'm going to be honest here, it makes me nervous writing out this check. PLEASE help me." Did I pray it wrong? I don't think so, but maybe I did. Maybe I showed lack of faith by being nervous. I didn't pay it expecting a big return, really...I just didn't think I would get to this point...

So, that's what's going on in my mind. It's a battlefield. So now what? Keep doing what I'm doing? I just need some help here! And I'm not talking about money, I'm talking about everything else. Why is it that I'm having one of the best years in my marriage right now and then I try to get involved in Church again and do right and all this crap is coming back? I need to fight it and claim it. I must be doing something right or headed in the right direction though right?? Right? OHHHH, I'll stop rambling now!!Jen